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Day 18 – Focus on Myself

Three things focusing on myself provides:

Freedom to address my own fears

A steady hand on the tiller

Natural consequences for others

I am like a pitcher of water;  I can only take so much before overflowing. And when I am filled with fear for others, joy when they succeed and despair when they fail, I cannot fill myself with my own waters.

In a perverse way, this keeps me safe. If I am full of others I cannot hold myself. I cannot fill myself with my fears and desires and imaginings. I am empty.

All these years, fearing for those who did not know how to succeed, I invariably spilled over with fear and despair and desolation. All i knew was bitter waters.

So when I first learn to empty myself it is no surprise that I fill myself with my own fears and failures. It is a bitter draught that stings me with its sharp bite on the tongue, and i do not see the lesson.

Eventually, as I continue to empty myself and fill myself with my days and nights and doings I find the sweet taste of joy and the calm earthiness of acceptance. Eventually I brew myself into a pale ale with just enough bitterness to be interesting.

It isn’t necessarily safe to drink a drink of me, but it is an honest brew of my own making. I am the Govannion of my days, forged from experience and the fruits of this good earth. I am the water of life.

Published in January

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