Three ways to know when I am seeking control rather than just thinking out loud:
If I repeat my suggestions over and over
If I continue to prod someone towards a goal
If I will only accept a response that I desire
I have a rule I’ve learned to apply when dealing with others. If I hear them say the same thing three times, even stated three disparate ways, I had better listen. And in general, it’s a good rule and serves me well.
Except, of course, when I am the one doing the saying. Because then I have allowed what is important to me be more important than what the other wants, whether they want it or not.
A verbal prod is still a prod. It’s still pushing someone towards a goal. My goal of course, because if I’m constantly speaking I probably didn’t hear what someone else said and I have no clue what they have said, what they hoped that I would hear.
If I only say what I want, then only what I desire is important. I have moved away from living with to controlling what if. I have sought control and gained and lost thereby.