Three characteristics of true compassion:
It allows others to live the consequences of their actions
It allows me to live my consequences, not others
It allows us all to link our choices to consequences and to learn thereby
After 6 months of deliberate self-destruction my son put himself in jail. Immediately he demanded to be bailed out, citing my previous actions with his brother. When i refused, he took it as further evidence of non-caring, as yet another abandonment.
It was this that hurt the most, that my son, abandoned by his birth mother, would think that i would also abandon him. It was this that led me to come close to denying him the consequences of his actions, that I would have to accept the consequences of my own actions.
My own father abandoned me and all of his family, four children and a wife. He left us in the solitude of the Atacama Desert in South America, and made his way home to Arizona. So, when I became aware that I was seen in the same light by my own son, it hurt beyond saying.
So, I have reaped the consequence of my own action and learned thereby, that part of my own addiction to my children is fed by my own loss of trust as a child.
I was the abandoned child who became father to the man who would never ever abandon his own child.
When I feel compassion for others, I must not neglect myself, or suffer the consequences.
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This is gold!! Thank you so much for sharing these steps. I feel they will definitely help us get thru the darkness we are facing.