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Day 9 –  Freedom from Applause

Three benefits of not needing approval for the good things I do:

Release from feeling self-pity or resentment when I do not receive applause

Freedom to independently evaluate my actions,  myself

Freedom to enjoy others’ approval without the need to judge it or them

I get so uncomfortable when praised. It’s because I want it so much. I need it, and I despise that I am so needy. I soooo do not want to become one of those pathetic people who live for praise, who eat applause like a starving dog eats any nasty thing it can find on the road.

I feel trapped when I realize that I am playing to the audience, that once again I am seeking that which I did not get from my father. I am bound by my past and have not learned to juist pass it by.

I need distance from others to keep a level head. To keep an even temperament so that I can assess my own performance and find ways to do better than I have without also keeping an eye out for a stray compliment that wandered in from the cold.

It’s a rare thing to not need approval. It’s a good thing too. It’s what I will aim at this week. It’s why I won’t try to be wise today, or write this expecting that someone, anyone will benefit from my words. It’s why today you’ll have to find your own meaning in today’s triad. Which, after all, is the only real learning that I can share and not expect applause.

Published in January


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